Top 21 Video Games or Gaming Moments of all TIIIIIIIIIME!!!!!!!!

Now a lot of people my age go on and on about "remember when" when they speak of the classics, but they may be letting the "good 'ol days" unduly influence their judgment. I'll try to avoid that pitfall (sorry) when I present my list here of all-time favs. I think there is obviously some merit to first time experiences in regards to gaming. I wasn't someone who had just discovered gaming after all. These were, more often than not, the first of their kind, the definition of innovation. As I've recognized more current iterations and evolutions of games, it has occurred to me that I was fortunate to be there for what essentially was the Jimi Hendrix, the Woodstock and the Beatles of video games. But not all the best gaming experiences in my life occurred before Gorbi was still in charge of the Kremlin.

Number 21: Atari 2600 Adventure
This one may have been produced when Carter was still in office, and it was the first video game I ever played. I'm not going to explain the intricacies of it, other than to say that it had the first easter egg in video games: a black dot (like your character, except much smaller, and black) that would enable you to get to a special credits screen. The following video leaves out the epic battles. You can actually pick up a sword, a golden arrow, and plunge it deep into the belly of the beast (it was a dragon, not a duck). It was these battles, the easter egg, the bat that would come steal my items with a surprisingly clever AI, trading me a dragon for a chalice, and that special "glow" of the chalice, which was the Atari's way of saying "special...this"---the whole experience that not only entertained me for hours, but likely inspired many future game developers. My imagination seemed to fill in the sizable gaps very easily. Check it out on you tube. What I'm showing you here is just a taste, the first level of 3 difficulties. Imagine, if you will, a bat that randomly exchanges objects, or "the catacombs", or possibly the introduction of a red dragon that is faster and more powerful than the other two of its kind. Eh? Eh?

Safeway Double the Nuggets Review Extravaganza

Me, a former stock clerk at Safeway, Ahhh.. I recall many hours of night shift frozen turkey bowling for 2 liters, grape thief takedown and apprehension (I, the bitter underpaid graveyard laborer took some satisfaction from this sort of thing) , toilet paper 8 pack kicking contests, and coupon machine crushing in the cardboard bailer.

This last one begs a little explanation. I couldn't count the number of times I stood up from facing the bottom shelves, to hit my head on these heavy and sturdy coupon dispensing machines only to have it beep irritatedly at me, and possibly eject a coupon for 10 cents off of my next purchase of Always. My priority shifted over time at the store from arranging the boxes of Count Chocula so that the next 5 year old realized and was impressed with how full the shelf was of his favorite cartoon covered sugar-coated refino corn wheat blend, to performing structural integrity experiments on coupon dispensers. I played sort of a "Will it beep?" game with kicks, elbows, pallet jacks, iron bars, chemicals, and ultimately the finale-the cardboard bailer. No "It will not beep." after being compressed into a cube with trays that once held cans of Fancy Feast. I was playing out my own ending to the Terminator, as the little red light did seem to go out sort of hesitantly. I was almost worried that it would come back and throw another coupon at me, maybe even with a last beep. I did have to deny that I took part in such experiments as I stupidly left the $175 retired machine wedged in the cardboard.

My other strong memory of this ridiculous job was bogo, the buy one get one free work to fill the store hustle with perhaps the most hated acronym ever. In the spirit of bogo, I thought I would provide a buy one get one free review of two types of Safeway nuggets. One type is tasty, and the other crunchy. Nuggets are probably quite common in Safeway, and I'm sure the marketing folks at Safeway will admit that Safeway nuggets are products that are established deep in the psyches of consumers in the form of off-brand loyalty. This is adherence to a branding code, a post 80s fanaticism that basically states "whatever you have been using to sell your product for the last 3 decades should be maintained, as it likely conjures images of pre-apple eden and waterfalls in the small minds of the discerning consumer". I am quite against irrational brand loyalty, which contributes to bloating corporations into something beyond production of soda pop, packaging of chicken into microwavable trays, or the provision of a roof, under which you can buy both stale popcorn and a sentimental copy of The Goonies for under 10 bucks. SO...

I thought I'd give the off-brands a chance.

Nuggets, Crunchy

Grape Nuts is a cereal which I find a fairly healthy and filling low-sugar alternative to most others out there, but it is one of those well-known and popular products that hasn't changed a bit, other than for its 4-6 dollar price range. I take my Grape Nuts quite seriously when it comes to breakfast cereal. This is one time where off-brands are so off, I felt comfortable padding the pockets of Post. It's as unusual a cereal as its name suggests. So you would understand my frustration, when my wife comes home with the Crunchy Nuggets. I thanked her profusely for thinking of me, but my mind was a little more like "I don't ask for much. Why? Why the fuck are you subbing out my Grape Nuts for some Nugget product, when that bottle of pop you're drinking is still covered with red and blue?". But I am generally an appreciative guy, and I gave the Crunchy Nuggets a try:

Flavor: A subtle blend of medite and water, with hints of wheat byproduct, and a nose of fragrant machinery.

Texture: Crunchy Nuggets beats Grape Nuts. End of discussion. It's a complete no-brainer, and here's why: Grape Nuts, while being one of my favorites, has kind of a pointlessness to it. It's so goddamned crunchy, that I have the choice of either waiting until it's soggy, or risk stress fractures in my molars. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm not pouring a bowl of cereal because I am enjoying the process and artistry of food preparation. I want it easy and I want it quick. Crunchy Nuggets nailed this with enough milk-defying crunch right out of the box without me reaching for my mouthguard. I loved this factor so much, that I poured a second bowl, which is something I would never do with Grape Nuts-I simply don't have the patience for that shit.

With the factors of flavor and texture averaged, I would say that Crunchy Nuggets is a match for Grape Nuts, and for half the price, I'm rethinking my staple.


Nuggets, Tasty

Tasty Nuggets for me was more of a curiosity, and I thought I'd branch out into Safeway's excellent, yet sub-select line of products.

Flavor: Duck Liver paté warmed on an engine block, aged 2 days outside of oak barrels in hot sun with blood vessels and marrow plucked and sucked from likewise-aged chicken drumstick.

Texture: A thirst inducing crunchy crumble, with what is that? at least 10% sand? I'm not sure I want to bog my septic system with this. Perhaps I should go squat in the back yard.

So the other thing I remember at Safeway was eating dog food for money, and earning enough for something that is truly safe for human consumption. Safeway Tasty Nuggets Dogfood is not something you should feed your dog, if for no other reason, than it's extremely likely you'll multiply your dog shit pick-up volumes. That, and it tastes bad.

Atonement

One major problem with Keira Knightley in a movie, is that I'm so awestruck by her appearance, I cannot objectively review her as an actress. For the most part, she is mediocre in the pirates movies, undoubtedly her most recognized role. I say this in hindsight, because while I was ga ga over her symmetry and posture, I failed to recognize that she overacted the chip that was perpetually poised on her shoulder-it seemed that for her to get from bow to stern of any vessel, it had to be storming in indignation thanks to some ill-timed male quip. Maybe too we can look at the ridiculous ending of the trilogy with its overblown cgi budget, monotone blur of ropes and swashbuckling, and...man what happened to the story? Keira had no chance in that one, and I say this also in retrospect after seeing Atonement.

In Atonement, she actually plays a comparatively limited role (thankfully allowing me to get engrossed in the story and atmosphere also) as Cecilia.

In summary, she is a woman of privilege, who falls for the grounds keeper. The theme here is somewhat typical where the wealthy have to feign disinterest in the working class in spite of their true desires. I seem to recall a few Victorian era films where this façade is the only thing that propels the story. Atonement, however, is more twisted. The grounds keeper, Robbie Turner (James McAvoy), is a clever, studied, and respectable man who does succeed in getting his girl, Cecilia, early on, but in the process, his advances are misunderstood by Cecilia's young sister, Briony, who eventually wrongfully identifies him as a rapist. The remainder of the film has the characters atoning, surviving, or otherwise suffering the consequences of the decisions of a little girl. It's a dark story, with beautiful cinematic backdrop. Every starring role was performed with subtlety and maturity. The characters were believable to perfection.

What you will notice in the story is a lot of missed opportunities "If they did this one thing differently...If Cecilia had come clean to the police about her fling with Robbie, if they had talked to Briony, the moment she discovered them" etc., but the times (world war II era) and the nature of relationships warranted a very standard tightlippedness that makes this genre ultimately very frustrating for me to enjoy. It's the Shakespearean "tiny misunderstanding begets tragedy", which is fairly unrealistic. Would Cecilia have maintained her façade in real-life rather than temporarily tarnishing her reputation to save the man who was predestined to spend the rest of his life with her? You see this sort of thing in most films featuring some sort of aristocracy. I suppose you see this in politics also, where a minor cover-up creates the real collapse. Ok. Maybe not so unrealistic after all. Someone who is more practical and level-headed could see the potential snowball, and act a little more rationally to prevent it from rolling. However, the characters were victims of the era, which earns them some benefit of the doubt. Did parents even address sex with their children? Probably, like today, it depends on the parents how adequately the topic was covered, but I imagine sex was generally not discussed.

I still appreciated the film in spite of my disbeliefs. Try it out when you're ready for a bit of darkness.